cleaning is kinda never ending when you have animals.......good thing too cos its a great head clearing exercise, which is why im getting stuck in today. Well, that and the fact that when im depressed i kinda let things go a bit lol
Got told the other nite that "people really do care about you"
hmmmm well thats as may be, but considering im not a mindreader, all i have to go on is actions, and all i see is people backing away, not including me in things, good or bad. How precisely this is supposed to help me feel less alone i have no idea......just a hint? it dont lol
i know that i dont know what theyre thinking, thats kinda the point really........if no one tells me, how am i supposed to know?
and yeah i DO tend to think the worst, but when youve spent your whole life being told that youre useless and talentless and lazy and ugly and no one will ever want you.......well then ya DO tend to do that.......and hell they were right about the no one will ever want you so maybe theyre right about the rest of it? who knows *shrug*
i guess i can see the point of not including me in anything bad, but hell, im good at bad lol. Im not about to fall apart because of a crisis......i MIGHT if everyone continues exclude me from them tho. Being good with my animals is really my only skill, the only thing that im good at.........take that away and you might as well shoot me now
and yes as someone said to me the other day, people DO need to feel needed. Right now people are making me feel like if i vanished tomorrow, theyd be sad but things wouldnt change much cos lets be honest, im not involved anyway. My animals would miss me but im sure that others would pick that up so i guess even they wouldnt miss me for long(which is a good thing btw)
but it still hurts
anyway enough self pity.....for want of anything else to do, i have washing(and no dryer and its raining....should be fun lol) and cages to clean and other cages to put away etc etc lol
better get on